I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
