Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
