the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
