my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
