hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
