His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
