Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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