why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
