I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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