just tell him i said nine months
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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