i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
