if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
