I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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