Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
