it wasn't lemon gatorade
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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