my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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