Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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