You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
