i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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