I smell stomach acid.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
