i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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