shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
