I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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