Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
