youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
