Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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