I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
