So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
