When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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