Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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