btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
