Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
