i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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