At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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