Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
