At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
