I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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