I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
