We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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