Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
