How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
