Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need a beard to bite.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
