Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
