so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
