And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
