also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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