you traded sex for a burrito?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
