the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
