every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
