You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
